Houston, we have a problem...

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

I know I have a potty mouth, but when shit hits the fan, I really lose my vocabulary. Yesterday, Laura, Chickie's daycare provider, informed me that she will be closing her daycare at the end of September-- 6 weeks from yesterday. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. OK, I know, I already said that, but see my above comment about losing my vocabulary when under stress. What the HELL am I going to do? Yes, yes, I'm going to find childcare, and with 6 weeks, the situation is only moderately dire and not quite approaching the point of complete fuckkage.

A year ago, this is exactly where I was: looking for childcare. I was 2 months postpartum and crying at least every day, and the idea of leaving my child with someone I barely knew was beyond heartbreaking. I kept telling myself that something would work out, and it did-- I found someone who came to love Chickie probably just as much as someone could love someone other than their own child. And while the situation wasn't perfect (what is?) I knew that he was loved and cared for.

And now, a year later, I'm looking for childcare again. I know I live in a community FULL of options, but a lot of the options aren't all that great. Here's what they look like, more or less:

Option 1: Big, bright, corporate daycare center. Lots of kids. Lots of noise. Lots of chaos. Lots of fluorescent overhead lights. Lots of snot. Lots of antibacterial disinfectant that gets sprayed every 23.4 seconds, and an extra 4 times after someone poops or barfs or spits out their lunch. So, every 12.3 seconds. Pros: state-of-the-art everything, lots of structure, lots of providers, no crisis if a provider is sick. Lots of kids for Chickie to become friends with. Cons: big, bright, corporate. Lots of everything. Lots lots lots. I feel sensory input overload just thinking about it.

Option 2: Family daycare in JP. Fewer kids, fewer providers. Minimal natural light. Less snot. Probably less antibacterial disinfectant (for better or for worse). Lots of unknowns. Pros: Fewer kids, possibly less insanity, closer relationship with provider(s). Cons: TV is the babysitter when provider is preparing lunch, attending to a baby with needs, etc.

OK, I'm making gross generalizations and being quite unfair, I know. Well, there is a third option-- this fabulous collective-type childcare center in Cambridgeport, affectionately called the Tot Lot. Well, guess what? They're all full and will be until hell freezes over. And that's really the problem-- I have 6 weeks. What the hell am I going to find in 6 freaking weeks?

And it's not like it was last year-- Chickie isn't this helpless little peanut who just nurses, poops and cries. He'll be over 15 months old by the time the daycare switch happens, and God knows, this child has personality. In some ways, it's easier to give a 15 week old baby to a daycare provider, because 15 week-olds are much more similar to one another than 15 month-olds are... it'll be interesting to tell a daycare provider that Chickie self-fed fistfuls of hummus and yogurt up until about a month ago and that he bonks his head against the side of the crib and sings to himself for about 20 minutes before he falls asleep!

I know I'll find someone to care for my weird little dude. Prepare for about 100 posts on the childcare search...