I need to go to bed because it's nearly 10 p.m., and this Mommy turns into a pumpkin at 10 p.m.
Actually, I need to go to bed because if tonight is like last night, Chickie will be awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night, bonking his head against the slats of his crib. He's a weird little dude, but I think I've finally figured out why he does this-- he's teething, and his poor little mouth is a freaking war zone. On top of that, he woke up screaming at 6 a.m., so transitioning to one nap instead of 2 isn't really getting him to sleep later. Uggggggggggg. So, I'm cranky and tired and irritated but not really ready to go bed, because I only stopped cooking and cleaning 20 minutes ago and need more down-time before going to bed.
OK, here's my dumb list--
Things that piss me off/things that are challenging about mommyhood:
1) Not sleeping enough and feeling exhausted ALL the time
2) Always rushing from place to place (work, daycare, etc.)
3) Eating standing up
4) Eating the same things every day because I'm too lazy/busy to experiment
5) Washing pump parts
6) Worrying about dumb shit
7) Worrying about whether I am f-ing up my child
8) People who ask, "when are you going to stop cursing around him?" F them!!
9) Being a co-parent with my husband (as opposed to being in an a marriage)
10) Not getting enough exercise
11) Not seeing or talking to old friends
12) Constantly needing to wax my eyebrows
13) I smell all the time
14) Never ending laundry. Does that shit just multiply in a dark hamper??
15) Worrying if my child is eating enough
16) Feeling trapped
17) Finding childcare
18) Having to choose between crappy and crappier options, e.g. leave the job that I love and have worked my whole life to get, or feel like a total asshole by leaving my 15 week old baby in someone else's care (post script note-- this of course ended up being fine)
19) Constantly having to defend the choices I make to random people who should mind their own business and shut their cake holes
OK, I feel better now. I *heart* blogging :) And, in all truth, I came back to this post and edited it later and took out the list title "Things I hate about being a mom". After writing this post, I went in and looked at my sleeping babe-- all peaceful and perfect and doing his little baby breathing, and I had to change it...
3 comments:
Sounds like you had a rough day. There are a lot of tough things about being a mom...and I would think even more because you are a working mom (i don't know how you do it!) You are a superhero to do all those things...work, pump, be a mom, household crap like laundry. Moms have to do it all! And yes, everyone that has something to say about it can shut up. You are doing an awesome job. It's hard to adjust when your kids throw you a curveball...you are definitely not alone in feeling that way. And you are right about your little boy...he is perfect in every way and you are raising him to be happy and playful, and musical, and sensitive, and independent. You are doing a great job!
Hey Div,
I love how candid your blog is. I give you so much credit for your courage and dedication to working and being a mom to Anand. I wonder/stress about it all the time. I enjoy reading your blog b/c I now know what I'm up against. DId you read any blogs or books that helped you prepare for all this?? Did any books really spell it out?? OR is motherhood just different for everyone? PS--My sister is pregnant. She's 8 weeks along and so so happy and cute :) I'll keep you posted on her progression!! Thanks for always listening!!!!
Hi Divya,
I was actually composing my own list about what I hate about mommyhood, and not surprising, you touched many of them!
I think at the top is not being able to sleep whenever I want to. In additon to that- having lots of expensive, plastic gear clutter up my house, worrying constantly about every tiny thing, and feeling inadequate as a mom because I can't afford to either a)stay home with him or b)send him to a pricey, elite daycare.
But here's my list about what I love about mommyhood:
1)Watching this little being transform from a squishy faced immobile baby-nugget to a crawling, babbling little guy.
2)Seeing his face light up when I pick him up from day care.
3)Gazing at him while he sleeps and feeling overwhelmed by his perfection.
I could go on...but I think the positive outweigh the negative for the most part.
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