I had wanted to write this happy and inspired post about our meeting with a prospective doula last night. She's freaking rad. She's in the same doula practice that Gina was in before she moved to Maine, and she and Gina see eye to eye on their philosophies and approaches to birth. It was great to chat with her and share my story and hear her advice and opinion on how things went and how we can do things differently this time around.
She, like Gina, agreed that everything that happened post birth could have been prevented if I hadn't been with a provider who was unexperienced with an unmedicated woman, both in terms of pushing and repair. She too said that she has seen that OB freak out a few times and over-react. She also added that midwives are usually much more efficient when it comes to repair compared to OB's, mainly because they have to be with unmedicated women. Finally, she said her favorite midwife in the practice I switched to is in fact the very midwife that I chose! I had heard great things about this particular midwife, and it was great to have this awesome doula say that yes, she is truly fabulous.
We haven't made a decision yet about a doula (we'll meet with someone else first), but it feels great to think ahead towards birth and feel empowered and strong and ready to do it again.
So, on to the bad stuff-- a woman I'm working with filed a complaint against the person who assaulted her, and The Committee on Discipline heard her case today. I went with her as her adviser, which basically means that I sat next to her and periodically asked her if she was OK and if she needed to take a break. I wasn't allowed to speak on her behalf (no, it's not like a real court with lawyers and judges and shit), and it's a good thing I basically couldn't open my mouth, because I think I would have bled all over the room because I was biting my tongue so ferociously.
The funny thing is that if this had been an actual court of law, half the shit this woman was asked would have been thrown out. (Yeah, I wanted to yell, "Objection!" at some of the insane, inane, caveman-esque questions that were asked). Um, does it matter why she got in bed with only a shirt and underwear on to go to sleep? Does it matter if she always sleeps with just a t-shirt and underwear? Does it matter if most students sleep with just a t-shirt and underwear? Oh. My. GOD.
I could go on and on about it, but I actually probably shouldn't, just on the way off chance that someone remotely connected to my work life reads this and starts connecting dots, but suffice it to say that the whole experience was unbelievably maddening. It's embarrassing that a prestigious academic institution can be so backward and close-minded when it comes to these issues.
I will get off my soapbox now and go cough some more. Oh, did I mention that I have had this random and horrid cough from hell for nearly a week? It's awesome.
2 comments:
I am so happy that the doula validated what you have been feeling about your first birth experience. It's always great to feel like other people know where you are coming from and confirm what your instincts have been telling you all along. She sounds like a great match. I really hope that your 2nd birth will be everything you hope it to be. It sounds like the midwife and doula will let you trust your own body and let it direct you, rather than having an OB tell you to do something that isn't right for your body. Not to say that all OB's are bad, but it sounds like yours definitely could have handled things differently, from what you have said. Anyway, that is good news!
Your work sounds so draining sometimes. I don't know how you do it. That's what people always said to me, as a social worker, but, honestly I couldn't do what you do. And you are SO good at it. Hang in there. It sounds like a tough week, but maybe you can teach those Disciplinary Committe people a thing or two! Sounds like they could use a lesson!
you know, when i worked at planned parenthood (my first stint there), i decided to pursue public health and not social work because i didn't think i could handle social work because it would be too emotionally draining... and here i am. for the most part, i don't have to do a ton of really draining stuff-- advocacy, education and training tend to be more upbeat. one of toughest things i have to deal with are all the stupid people who don't understand the issues and have really f-ed up, backward thinking about all of it... and of course, these are the very people who have a lot of power. it can be really maddening!!
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