Updates, baby, updates

This week is going really well. Turnout for SAAW programs so far has been fantastic, and the events so far have been really well-received and successful. I've gotten home at 10 p.m. for the last couple nights, and that's been tough, though. Last night, I didn't even see Chickie in the evening at all-- Dan picked him up from daycare, and by the time I came home, he was fast asleep, smelling particularly lovely after a bath.

We had over 60 people at Take Back the Night on Monday night, and for MIT, that's the equivalent of like 500, especially since we had it inside because it was pouring. The woman I've been working with since last summer told her story publicly for the first time, and she was just amazing. I have to say that after attending events like this for years, I had forgotten how emotionally exhausting it is to sit and hear people talk about rape for hours, so by the time I got home, I was SO tired! And of course, it was hard to sleep after sitting through that event... but what can you do. That's just how it is.

The big downside of this week is that I really miss my little boy, and I know my absence is affecting him in a negative way. It was nearly impossible to leave him at daycare yesterday morning-- he cried and cried and whimpered, "no, no, no-- Mama cuddle, Mama cuddle" whenever I tried to put him down, let go of him, or even when Patrice finally took him. Once he lets her take him, he's usually fine pretty soon after that, but not yesterday. He was still reaching for me and crying. Dan said that Patrice said that he was really clingy and needy towards the end of the day as well. AND, guess what happened for the first time yesterday morning? Chickie asked for Mommy milk when I was getting changed. It's been 2 weeks, and he's seen me get undressed and changed multiple times a day, but this was the first time he asked for it, and it makes sense. Sigh.

So, the daycare stuff-- last week when I was sick, I had a LOT of ambivalence about sending Chickie to daycare so I could work and rest and whatever, and that stemmed from a gut feeling that he's just not that happy there right now. There are a lot of things going on for him right now-- he transitioned to this new daycare room less than a month ago, he just weaned, I'm pregnant, etc. Also, he's a toddler and has a natural inclination to push back and resist pretty much anything that's imposed on him. Finally, the kid has a stubborn temperament and takes a long time to adjust to big changes in general.

I have just been feeling like he's being PUSHED in general in that room. On Thursday, when I came to pick him up, "Please work with him and the dixie cup at home" was written on the daily communication sheet. Apparently, Karen didn't think that we were working with him enough and/or that he should have been able to figure out the dixie cup thing by now. I was PISSED. Listen, if anyone had told us that he had to drink out of the damn cup months ago, we would have started working on it, but we just found out a couple weeks ago, and we're working on it, OK? Also, would you expect a kid to learn to walk or talk in a period of a couple weeks? Probably not. These are skills that take time to build and develop, and so is drinking from a cup for a kid who has a history of oral motor issues.

Besides, WHO FREAKING CARES?? Why are we SO ready to push kids to grow up? So, anyway, I called the center director, and she, Karen and I sat down to meet yesterday morning, and it went really well. One thing that came out right away is that the age ranges in the toddler rooms have changed, and Karen is now dealing with younger kids. Kids were usually 2 years and a couple months when they started in the Toddler 2 room, but when Chickie started, he was just 21 months old! There's a big developmental difference from 21 to 26 months, in my humble opinion, and you can't hold kids to the same standards with such an age difference. Same thing with the potty-- a 26 month old may be more ready to be introduced to the potty, whereas a 21 month old may be less so. Karen assured me that no one pushes Chickie onto the potty, and if he says no, then that's that. Sometimes he does want to sit on it, though, so whatever. I guess he sees all the other kids doing it and thinks it's fun. WHATEVER.

The other thing that came out was a general miscommunication about goals vs expectations. In the "Welcome to the Toddler 2 Room" packet, "drinking from an open cup" is in the list of GOALS. GOALS, as in things that kids will learn to do during their time in that classroom, NOT what kids are expected to do on Day 4 in the classroom. The director pointed out that these are goals and kids will take their own time to reach them, and I said that that had been my impression as well, but that the goals were being treated more like expectations, and Karen was basically like, "Oh, OK." So, another problem was solved there.

I basically reiterated that my kid is a stubborn, willful kid, and the best thing you can do is to give him a wide berth during transitions and let him come to you. He will tell you what he needs. Don't get in his face and try to be his friend if he's saying "No" to you-- leave him alone, and he'll come to you when he's ready to trust you. What's so weird about that? And I said that he probably DOES know how to drink from the cup, but he knows that Karen wants him to, so he's refusing. TOTALLY possible with my kid!

I had been feeling like I wasn't in control of how my kid was being raised, and that once he got to daycare, a whole different philosophy was being imposed on him-- this whole philosophy of "we have to get these kids independent and ready for preschool", and I DON'T believe in that. he's not even 2 freaking years old! Let him be who he is and be a baby if he needs to be, and give him the time and space to figure his shit out on his own. He's a kid; he's not dumb. He has his own personality and needs, and we need to respect that as much as possible. I feel like his world is a very arbitrary place at times, and while I can't help it if I have to drag him to the grocery store against his will, I certainly don't have to push him in EVERY single way, you know?

So, that's why Mama Bear came out roaring :) And hopefully, she got the job done. Sorry for the long post... back to work! Power Point presentations for Thursday are calling my name...