Since Anand was born over 13 months ago, I feel like we've been one person about as often as we've been 2 people. Ah, breastfeeding... but, I know, I already ranted about this last week, so I won't go on about it (at least too much) now. During the first couple months of his life, I often wished I could run away-- not sure where to, but I just felt the urge to FLEE and be free of the responsibility of feeding a tiny, tiny, helpless little thing that bleated like a baby lamb when he wanted to nurse. Of course, the idea of being without my baby was totally heart-wrenchingly awful (did I mention the hormonal avalanche?) but I really just wanted to be able to have the choice to leave the house for 9+ hours like Dan did.
I think slowly, really slowly, I'm starting to regain some independence. Yeah, 13 freaking months later.
The big thing is that I've started exercising again. I used to be a big exerciser, for better or for worse. The good part is that I was in great shape and had a ton of energy and felt physically healthy and strong. The bad part was that I was kinda obsessed with working out and would plan my life around exercise. As a life-long body-hater, I was pleasantly surprised at how much I began to love my body when I became pregnant and slowly but surely got bigger and bigger and BIGGER. I felt quite lovely and luscious and full of life-bearing fleshiness.
As the post-partum months went by, that sense of loveliness dissipated, and I felt more and more like my body was not my own but rather existed for the sole purpose of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding makes you feel really freaking tired-- well, it makes me feel really freaking tired. I feel like my baby is literally sucking the life force out of me! I never ceased to be amazed by all those moms who have babies and are nursing and are running at 8 weeks post-partum. Insane. I just felt like I had NO energy whatsoever. I started to feel like perhaps I could actually get some energy back if I started working out again, and sure enough, I was right. The first time sucked, and the second time was worse, but by the third time, I started to get the sense that I could actually DO this.
The other big piece of this independence movement is that Dan and I actually went out on a date... yeah, un-freaking-believable. We went out to celebrate his birthday and also my birthday (since I was sick on my birthday and we consequently couldn't go out), and I realized that the last time we'd gone out to dinner was for his birthday last year! Ridiculous. We went to Mistral in the South End and had an amazing meal and fabulous wine, and it was really wonderful to be out together ALONE.
People often say that the first year or 2 of your child's life can be the toughest time on a marriage, and while we've generally done pretty well through this time, I think we need to proactively try to spend time together that isn't co-parenting time (or just catching up while washing dishes and cooking dinner). It's amazing to think that we actually used to go out and do things together-- well, actually, now that I think about it, we never really used to go out all that much, but we could if we wanted to... ah, that choice thing again. Just like I'm trying to figure myself out again, perhaps we need to re-find each other in a way that doesn't involve Anand.
The other big piece of this independence movement is that Dan and I actually went out on a date... yeah, un-freaking-believable. We went out to celebrate his birthday and also my birthday (since I was sick on my birthday and we consequently couldn't go out), and I realized that the last time we'd gone out to dinner was for his birthday last year! Ridiculous. We went to Mistral in the South End and had an amazing meal and fabulous wine, and it was really wonderful to be out together ALONE.
People often say that the first year or 2 of your child's life can be the toughest time on a marriage, and while we've generally done pretty well through this time, I think we need to proactively try to spend time together that isn't co-parenting time (or just catching up while washing dishes and cooking dinner). It's amazing to think that we actually used to go out and do things together-- well, actually, now that I think about it, we never really used to go out all that much, but we could if we wanted to... ah, that choice thing again. Just like I'm trying to figure myself out again, perhaps we need to re-find each other in a way that doesn't involve Anand.
1 comment:
The restaurant you went to looks AWESOME. I love the way they describe themselves as making their customers look and feel fabulous...sounds good to me!! I think it's so awesome that you and Dan are really trying to reconnect in a non-baby way! That is so important. Hope you can find a great sitter for the babe :)
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