The Parent Dance

I started reading essays from Peggy O'Mara's "A Quiet Place", a collection of her editorals and essays from Mothering magazine. She's definitely a bit out-there at times, but she makes a ton of great points that resonate with me. She says, "When we feel anxious about our child's behavior, we are usually really anxious about our own performance. 'Am I doing enough?' 'Is there anything else I need to do as a parent?' 'Is there anything else I can do?'" And she goes on to talk about how our children are their own selves and they belong to themselves and not to us (she kinda invokes Khalil Gibran's The Prophet). She talks about trusting ourselves and trusting our children, and she insinuates that we really just have to trust that we ARE in fact doing the best we can-- and that we have to let the rest go.

Easier said than done, DUH.

Remember that old joke-- "Have you ever noticed that everyone driving faster than you is a maniac, and everyone driving slower than you is an idiot?" I feel that way a lot when it comes to parenting. Here in lovely Jamaica Plain, everyone is on the cutting edge of everything (see previous posts about yuppie bougie stores with over-priced wares that you absolutely HAVE to have otherwise you'll irreparably impair your child's development). No one would ever think of buying non-organic baby food or bottles containing BPA, but there's a sort of hierarchy of super-mom-ness (i.e. how much someone is willing to spend for a 2 oz bottle of all natural, mineral-based sunblock). I feel like I tend to fall in the middle of the spectrum, and I TOTALLY know that I'm capable of that maniac/idiot judgment about other moms. Well, that's a severe way of putting it, but you know what I mean.

But that just really sucks. I think it's because I'm always asking myself if I'm doing enough-- am I playing with him enough, smiling at him enough, singing to him enough? Well, I know I sing to him-- whenever he's having a meltdown, I sing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", and he quiets right down. Last night, Dan noticed that "The Wizard of Oz" was on TV, and he brought Chickie in to watch Dorothy sing the song. Chickie was fussy and wouldn't sit still, but the second she started singing, he was RIVETED and sat perfectly still for the duration of the song... I guess he really knows it and loves it.

The other thing that's making me question myself a lot lately is that Chickie has started to become much more insistent (I've started to call him Mister Insistor) to the point where he'll scream and cry from rage (yeah, it's the precursor to a tantrum-- I know it), and that's something he never used to do before. So, of course, I'm like, "Why is he doing this? is it because I'm not paying enough attention to him? Or am I endulging him too much when he wants something?" The fact of the matter is, he's approaching toddlerhood, so this is totally normal. Ah, the development of personality...