The antithesis to goal setting?

I have decided to not address the fact that I have been the mistress of blogging slacktivity lately. Nuff said.

The past couple weeks have been bumpy, mainly because the work-life vertigo shit has really surfaced again. Chickie was sick a couple weeks ago, and I ended up missing 3 days of work to stay home with him. Since I'm preparing to go on leave and basically abandon the program that I worked so hard to create, develop, and grow, to say I feel under pressure and crunched for time is an understatement! As I said to Dan last week, I don't mind having the less important job in our family, but I DO mind having the NOT important job in our family, i.e. it's pointless for me to work if I have no chance of ever doing a good job and actually succeeding and giving my job the attention it deserves.

In the midst of all of this, someone posted an article on the JP Moms listserv about work-life balance and how that basically doesn't exist for moms (I'd post a link, but you have to subscribe to the magazine to read the whole thing), and an interesting discussion thread fell out of that. One mom on the listserv who's a life coach responded by saying that she would be interested in facilitating a discussion about this stuff if people were interested, and I thought, "Hey, why not?" and I went last night.

Life coaches are interesting, and I totally don't mean to knock them, but I sorta don't get it. I feel like it's all about helping people tap their inner potential while being SO freaking positive and pollyanna-esque that it's a little nauseating, especially for us negative-nancy cynical types. The whole "realize and live the life of your dreams" shit never really did it for me. I'm more of a "get up and get dressed and get your shit done and try to remember to breathe" kind of girl.

Anyway, the group of moms who came were an interesting bunch. There were a few who were dealing with work-life balance issues, some were dealing with changes in their employment situations, and most were struggling with general goal setting and making changes in their lives. Now, I have a lot of issues, but goal setting has never been one of them-- in fact, I have come to realize that what I really need to do is to STOP constantly thinking about what I need to do next and instead be present and concentrate on what I'm doing right now. I feel like I never stop DOING something, especially since I become a mom-- there's always a load of laundry to do, some dishes to wash, a bag to pack or unpack, a phone call to return, etc. I have to consciously make myself stop and chill and say, "OK, one more thing and then I'll rot my brain in front of the tv or surf the web" or whatever.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to get out of the metting last night-- probably just a chance to commiserate with other working moms who are trying to figure out the work-life thing, and maybe some ideas for career directions (since I feel like that too could be up in the air in the next couple years-- who knows) but I think many people wanted a group to help them set goals and to hold them accountable for goals, i.e. people with whom they could share "weekly wins"... um, I hate that shit. I have always put so much pressure on myself that the last thing I need is to have to report back the status of my to-do list to someone else! And I'm TOTALLY not knocking people for whom this kind of thing is helpful-- more power to them, of course-- but it's just interesting to finally figure out what I actually need-- I DON'T need to set goals; I need to freaking shut my brain off.

It was interesting, because at one point while facilitating the discussion, the life coach was like, "OK, what are time wasters that get in the way?" and people were like, "Mindless web-surfing, reading random articles online, reading JP Moms stuff..." and everyone was nodding in ascent. I said, "Well, not to be gratuitously contrary, but those are the kinds of things that make me feel human and not just a go-go-go mommy machine." Seriously-- why does every minute have to have some freaking purpose? This damn computer is practically my lifeline to the normal world!

So, anyway, I thought it was interesting.
In other news, I am 34+ weeks and finally hitting a wall physically this week. After weeks of feeling spry and energetic, I am definitely slowing down, mainly because it's SO hard to breathe, especially after I eat and if I'm sitting down. Getting in the car after a meal is really uncomfortable! It finally hit me that this is actually the home stretch... which is crazy and exciting and wonderful and holy-crap-I-still-have-tons-of-shit-to-do.

Back to that to-do list, right? :)