Yup, technically, she's cooked. 37 weeks today and technically full-term. HOLY SHIT.
I go back and forth between being totally panicked that she could come any time now AND being totally in denial that I'm about to have a baby. I just really don't feel ready! I don't really care about having all the clothes washed (although most of the newborn stuff is washed and in the drawers, thanks to my crazy nesting instincts a couple weekends ago) since I know that so much of that can get done after she's born, but it's really the crazy emotional shit that I can't get my brain around.
I don't want to sit and navel gaze and think about what it all means-- I don't want to sit and dwell on the fact that soon it will never be just the 3 of us again and that this unique time in our lives is about to end, because really, what's the point? The rest of our lives is about to begin-- the rest of our lives is ALWAYS about to begin (gee, that's freaking deep, dude-- I sound like a stoned 20 year-old me) but the fact remains-- our time as a family of 3 is about to change. Also, we have always planned on having 2 kids, so if all goes according to plan, this may the last time that I'm pregnant.
But really, I am so worried about my sweet little boy. He's going through such a hard time lately and is throwing so many tantrums EVERY day about the smallest things. Transitions like getting dressed, getting out of the house, getting out of the bath, putting on pajamas, etc. are trigger points for GIGANTIC meltdowns. Seriously-- many people have said, "Oh, yeah, my kid has big tantrums, too" and they see him pitch big fits and are like, "Oh, DAMN..." It took us half an hour from the end of his bath to get him into his crib tonight. I know he's teething (prongs of all 4 teeth are visible) and that's making him miserable, but it's insane to feel like you live with a 25 pound terrorist holding a suitcase full of explosives. But I know, just like everything else, it'll pass. I just have a feeling that it's going to get a LOT worse before it gets better.
I need to pack a bag just in case I have some crazy fast labor, and I was about to do that tonight when I looked at Dan and said, "I can just do it tomorrow, right? I'm not having this baby tonight, right?" And he was like, "No, you can totally do it tomorrow."
4 comments:
Girl, you crack me up! I love the stoned 20-year-old comment! You are so right...the rest of our lives is always about to begin and there are so many exciting things that will happen to us along the way. This is definitely one of them and it is something to celebrate. I know that you are prepared and will take it in stride as it happens. However, I'm sure it's also starting to feel like "panic time." Deep breaths, affirmations and mantras, and an ice cold beer after you bring that baby home with make things better! Chickie will adjust...we all do. Just remember, you are giving him the best gift he could ever have- a sibling. He will appreciate it, if not now, then later. That really helped me get through those worries with my 2nd baby. I hope he exits this "terrorist" phase just as the baby is born (wouldn't that be nice?) But, if not, you can call and bitch to me. I'm always here for you...
Div, you write so well, and I love the way you just pour your heart out. Chickie is doing what he is supposed to - he is a terrible two. He has always been a bit headstrong, and he is testing the waters. Every tantrum is his way of defining his boundaries. He will be fine - he will still be king, and the little one won't give him any trouble for a while. By the time she starts sucking on his toys, he will not be able to remember a time without her.
I am thinking so much about you. I wish I could be nearby to give you a giant hug! Here's one through the air, for your family of 3 soon to be 4! I love you all!
I am so fried and tired tonight, and I've already cried three times for no good reason, so all I can say is that I adore you and your blog, and I still don't know why the hell we don't get together more often. You are a great Mama to Chickie, and soon you'll be a great Mama to Chickie and Baby Girl, and one way or another, we make it through. :)
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