Letting Go, Growing Up, You Know How It Is

Anyone who knows me knows that I love summer.  Love it.  Yeah, it's not fabulous when it's 98 degrees and humid as all get-out, but I will take a sticky, sweaty, stinky summer any day over sweaters, cold, and snow.

Yesterday, I took the kids to Houghton's Pond in Milton for some summer fun, and it was lovely to see them happy in the bath-warm water, splashing away, digging mudslides on the beach, and making sandcastles from the tupperware I had brought (um, guess which Mommy never remembered to buy proper sand toys?  Yeah, I ended up bringing tupperware and plastic serving spoons yesterday.  Classy!)  SJL was crawling in the shallow water, rolling around like a fish, so, so happy.  Even Chickie managed to walk with me all the way out to the rope-- a big feat for a kid who's usually freaked out by water and has a sensitivity to, well, just about everything.

Yesterday was one of those days where I wanted to hit the pause button.  Don't get me wrong, we had a shitshow morning where everyone was screaming and everyone went to their rooms, but once we were out of the house, it was one of those peace-of-the-wild-things moments, and we were all happy and mellow.  Two tired, dirty, sun-kissed kids were in their beds last night, clad in only t-shirts and shorts, with their sun + keens = striped feet sticking out.  I don't bathe them often enough, and they smell kinda like... well, summer.

Needless to say, I am not one of those New Englanders who is itching to bring out the sweaters and jeans and boots, however cute they may be.  I'll take a Sam Summer over a Pumpkin Ale any day (as yummy as Pumpkin Ale is).  Sure, foliage is pretty, but I'll take a happy toddler running naked through the Green St. sprinklers instead.  You get my point; I know.

This summer is particularly hard for me to let go of, because it marks the end of Chickie's time at preschool and his start of Kindergarten.  I'll save my ode-to-preschool for another post (I know you can't wait, right?) but my point here is that it's a big change for us.  I kept Chickie home with me 2 days a week this summer, and I even had our amazing babysitter watch Josie for one of those mornings so I could spent some time with just him.  It's been amazing, for the most part.  While we still have more than our share of challenges, I love spending time with him, and I truly enjoy the person he is.  He is so curious, interested in the world, and ready to absorb so much.  It's also MUCH easier to do things with him than it is with SJL-- I mean, he'll actually sit still if we go out to lunch, he won't pull random shit off the shelves at City Feed while we're waiting in line, and he won't demand to be held ALL the time. Oh, and when he's not tired or hungry, he's actually capable of rational thought, unlike my almost 3-year old.

And I'm thinking-- why didn't I keep him home more often in the past 2 years?  Why was I so sure that he was happier at school?  Oh, yeah; because he used to be 3 and 4 and was nowhere near as fun and interesting and easy to actually DO stuff with.  He was always bored and angry when he was at home with me.  Don't ge me wrong, it's still really hard for us to do things that other families do every day, but so much has changed.  He's 5 now.  He's much more mature and grown up, especially when he's just with me.  Right, so it's just in time for him to go to real school, school where he has to go every day.  I can't exactly decide to just keep him home on Fridays, you know?  That window has closed.  And, of course, because I am who I am, I am second-guessing my decision to not keep him home more over the past couple years.  But whenever he was home, we just fought and yelled at each other all day and butted heads.  It was endless, exhausting, and just shitty.  He was always so happy at school, so it seemed right.

It's funny, because I have always thought that people who homeschool are moderately insane-- well, that's not true-- I have always thought that homeschooling my kids would make ME moderately insane-- yes, that's right.  But now, I can see the appeal and the bright side of it, at least in regards to Chickie.  If he were my only, I could see us going on adventures and checking out new stuff and exploring things together.  Yeah, I know that that would change when the cold weather came and it became harder to just get out and go, but I guess I've just really enjoyed my time with him and have been pleasantly surprised at how this summer has gone.  No, I would never really consider homeschooling him, especially since I have a bunch of work things going on and he got a placement at a great local public school, but it's worth mentioning that I no longer see it as a total impossibility (with regards to just him-- SJL is a different story).

So, I am fine with my jeans being buried in a drawer somewhere.  I'm not ready to let go of the sticky, put-your-sandals-on-and-go fun days we've had this summer.  In 19 days, this baby boy is heading to Kindergarten.